


Something to Talk About

by Arsenic



Series: Two Sides of the JuNi Coin [1]
Category: Backstreet Boys, Popslash
Genre: Angst, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-09-11
Updated: 2006-09-11
Packaged: 2020-10-14 04:50:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20594987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arsenic/pseuds/Arsenic
Summary: Nick goes to Brian.  Brian lets him stay.





	Something to Talk About

**Author's Note:**

> Dedication: Okay, I know you told me not to do this. Admonished me, even. And you have every right to be mad. But, I had planned this from way back in a time when BriNi was still your favorite pairing. Like, December, yo. Not to mention that conversation we had about NSYNC always being together in stories while the Boys had broken up and I said I could do it the other way around and I meant it. So yeah. This is your story, Zoi girl. Happy birthday and I adore you and I hope you adore it.

Nick was confused when Leighanne opened the door. Every once in awhile, mostly at times of great stress, Nick forgot that his best friend was married to someone. Who lived with him. Who had borne his children. "Brian?" he asked helplessly.

Leighanne grabbed his hand and pulled him inside the house. She closed the door and turned to take a good look at Nick. "What have you done to yourself?"

Nick repeated, "Brian?"

"Okay," Leighanne agreed, evidently sensing the hopelessness of rational speech. She disappeared and a few seconds later, Brian came down the stairs.

"You're wet," Nick observed with the complete detachment that had characterized everything in the last seventeen hours, twenty four minutes, forty seven seconds of his life.

"I was giving JeriLynn a bath." JeriLynn was Brian's daughter, born two years, two months and eleven days after Baylee. Nobody but Brian called her by her full name.

"NSYNC broke up," Nick told Brian. He tried to tell all of his good gossip to Brian first.

Brian went still. "That's…"

"I don’t think he knew, um, that it was going to happen. He doesn't seem very." Nick stopped, as though that were a whole thought, and stared off into space. He didn’t have to tell Brian who the "he" was. It was the same "he" it had been since Nick had first noticed that men were sexier than women; the same "he" who had granted Nick his second kiss -- first non-Backstreet; the same "he" that Nick had finally 'fessed up to loving in a moment of cocaine inspired stupidity and who had subsequently dried Nick up and confessed back when Nick wasn't trying to kill him to get a little bit of powder. Justin Timberlake had been the only "he" in Nick's life for as long as Nick or anyone who truly knew him could remember.

"Nick." Brian said the name slowly, as though he were still thinking about what would come next. "Why are you here?"

"I was wondering if I could stay with you for awhile? Just until rehearsals?" Nick held up the toothbrush in his right hand, the only possession he had on him beside his clothes. Rehearsals started in a little over a month, the tour being two months away.

"Why can't you stay with J?" Both of them knew there was no point in asking why he couldn't stay at his own place. The Carter family plantation was only somewhere to go when feeling at absolute tip-top.

"Because J is very busy trying to restart his relationship with Joey."

"Joey and him broke up almost six years ago. J is over Joey. Joey's married, Nick." Brian knew of Nick's tendency to forget simple things when upset.

"Yes. But J…is like me." Nick finished lamely.

Brian rocked back on his heels. "Who decided?"

"Joey."

"Oh."

Nick nodded. "Yeah."

"He'll calm down, Nicky."

Nick changed the direction of his head motion to a shake. "I don't think so. I'm pretty sure he had an affair when he was on the road last time. I think…I think this just gave him a valid reason to freak out and tell me to get out."

"Nick, J loves you more than-"

"Loved. He loved me. I love him." Nick looked down at where the sole of his sneaker was coming away from the body of the shoe. "And he never loved me like he loves them. He thought they were forever. I thought…well, I was wrong."

Brian sighed. "Did you bring anything beside your toothbrush?"

"J packed me a bag. The airline lost it. They said they'd drive it out here when it showed up. It's Justin's toothbrush. I stole it. He really likes this kind." Nick shrugged.

Brian, who couldn't hide a thing, had heartbreak written all over his face. "C'mon, Baylee's probably aiding and abetting JeriLynn's goal of painting the entire bathroom with water. You're helping clean up."

Nick followed Brian back toward the stairs. "Thanks."

"Say that after we've cleaned."

*

Nick sprawled out on the queen that Brian and Leighanne kept in their guest room and reminded himself that he liked having a bed all to himself. He was an active sleeper. The reminder didn't work. Nor did the fact that he actually was exhausted.

He was still awake when heard Jelly's -- what everyone else called JeriLynn -- first cries for attention. Not having anything better to do, Nick got up and padded down to her room. Leighanne beat him there by less than a second, her room being closer and she being equipped with a monitor. "Go back to sleep, Nick, I got it."

"I wasn't asleep. Why don't you go get some? I promise not to drop her."

Leighanne didn't even hesitate, weary gratitude reflecting out of her eyes. "There's a pink bottle on the second shelf in the fridge, nuke it for about a minute, check to see that it isn't too hot and give it to her. Burp her afterward. She'll probably need a change too, but other than that…she isn't Bay, she'll conk out as soon as she's happy."

Baylee, whom Nick loved with all of his considerable heart, had been the Baby From Hell. It was a testament to the strength of Leighanne and Brian's marriage that they were still together and had the guts to give the kid thing a second go 'round. He took Jelly from Leighanne's arms and kissed Leighanne's forehead, "Thanks."

"If having you around means I can get some sleep, you can become a permanent fixture. Try and get some of your own once she's down, okay?" Leighanne looked at him with the "promise me" eyes he had seen her make at Baylee when making him tell her he would be good.

"I'll try." It was the best he could do. Luckily, she accepted it and walked back to the master bedroom. Nick turned his attention to his charge. "Let's get you a midnight snack, huh?"

The bottle was right where Leighanne had said it would be. Nick followed her directions and fed Jelly, who took nearly the whole bottle. He burped her, telling her, "You gotta work on that skill, kid. Your brother had it down from the moment he popped out."

She did need a change, and Nick did it quickly and easily, having become a pro back when Leslie was born. As Leighanne predicted, Jelly nearly fell asleep on the changing table and was completely gone by the time Nick transferred her to her crib. Nick thought about going back to the room with Justin's toothbrush in it. There was a patch of floor right next to the crib that looked infinitely more inviting, though, so Nick curled up there and finally fell asleep.

*

Nick's bag showed up a day later. Nick opened it to find all of his favorite clothes and subsequently had to go out and buy enough clothing to get him through his stay. Nick had never hated Justin's incapacity to be mean before that moment. Before it hadn't seemed like such a subtle cruelty.

Brian, bless his heart, hadn't commented when Nick called the nearest homeless shelter to ask if they would take used clothes, drove off with the Justin Bag and returned with a large bag from Target and a small one from J. Crew in its place. Baylee had immediately strewn the contents of both bags throughout the living room and Jelly had squawked demandingly. Nick had picked her up and watched the Baylee induced mayhem with a rather serene sense of detachment.

After the kids were in bed, Brian and Nick collected the articles of clothing until they were pretty sure they had gotten everything. Baylee, the clever little bugger, had hidden several things in spots that were hard to reach by anyone over fifty pounds. Nick asked, "Mind if I use the washing machine?"

"Lemme show you where everything is. We changed it, 'cuz, well, the Holy Terror has a gift for finding toxic substances."

Nick followed Brian into the laundry room and patiently sorted his new clothing while Brian got down the liquid softener and detergent. "You ever used one of these?" Brian held up a small plastic ball.

"What is it?"

Brian demonstrated pouring the liquid softener in, up to one of the lines, and pulling the top of the ball shut. "Just put it in with your load. Oh, and try to remember to clean the lint out of the dryer in between each load, it's been acting up a bit."

"Sure."

Brian crossed to where Nick was sorting, one item at a time, and grabbed onto his shoulders, forcing him into stillness. "Hey-"

Nick thought there had probably been something more than that, but that was what Brian actually managed. Nick wanted to say, "I'm okay," or "I won't destroy your dryer," or even, "Baylee's a maniac, how the hell did he get crayon on my shirt?" since the crayons had stayed safely in their drawer all afternoon. Instead he pleaded, "Tell me this is gonna go away. Promise me." Brian never broke his promises. Not even the time he promised to still love Nick after Leighanne and he came back from their honeymoon.

Brian's grip on Nick's arms tightened painfully. "It'll…change, Nicky. It won't be so bad. It won't hurt to sleep and to get up and to walk and to eat and to just do anything."

"I would've stayed. Even with the cheating, I would've, if he would've just let me. I love him." Nick was near to crying from the sensation of Brian's fingers digging close to the bone. He didn't want him to let go.

"I know, babe. I think that's maybe why he packed for you. I think he was trying to do the right thing. He's not…he's not evil. And sometimes you love too much."

It was the truth, Nick knew. Aaron had told him the same time and again. With the exception of the Boys, nobody Nick had ever loved had just taken that excess of love and appreciated it for what it was. "I thought he liked that. I didn't mean to drive-"

"I know," Brian repeated. "It's not a bad thing, babe. I know everyone makes you feel like it is, I know people tell you things, to back off and stuff, but it's not bad. You can't listen to them. It's one of my favorite things about you. One of my favoritest, even."

Nick smiled weakly. Brian's opinion was still too important to him to ignore, despite what everyone else seemed to think. It didn't fix things, but it let him know that he probably couldn't fuck this up. For the moment, that would have to suffice. "I'm gonna wash my clothes now. I don't think Leigh would appreciate me walking around in the buff."

Brian got up on his tiptoes and kissed Nick's forehead. "Always thinking of others you are."

It was flippant, but Nick could hear the deep affection underlying the comment.

*

The doorbell rang during their kid-schedule-driven early dinner hour and Nick got up to answer so that Brian and Leighanne could stay and ward off any food throwing. Kevin was waiting on the other side of the door.

Nick would have preferred Howie or AJ, but he hadn't been expecting anything more than a phone call from any of them, and he wasn't about to turn a visit down. Kevin stepped in the door and ruffled Nick's hair. "Hey."

Nick closed the door and slipped into Kevin's arms. Kevin wrapped him up tightly. "Nick. JC called me. JC from that other band."

"They're not a band anymore," Nick muttered. It was pointless, he knew. To Kevin, the boys of the now-defunct NSYNC would always be "that other band".

"I know, the story broke on Wednesday. Haven't been watching much TV, have you?"

Or any at all. Nick was no fool, he knew which member of NSYNC was likely to get interviewed about it the most. "Not really."

"JC just said that Justin was practically living with Joey and that he didn't know where you were and he thought somebody should find you."

Nick pulled back so that Kevin could see all of him in his not-so-glory. "You found me."

"Yeah, and I called Howie and AJ so that they wouldn't have to worry, because I guarantee you JC called them as well," Kevin was scolding, but there was a note of relieved fear underneath the lecture that Nick was hard-pressed to ignore.

"'M Sorry. I really am. I wasn't thinking right…I'm maybe still not." Nick made a mental note to remember to call JC when he had made the journey back to functional, thank JC for his concern.

"I called the others, too," Kevin said softly. "Chris and Joey and Justin and Lance. They were all worried Nick."

Guilt flashed in the pit of Nick's stomach. Kevin's relationship with Chris and Lance was at best tenuous and it really shouldn't have been his job to make all those calls. The guilt was overridden by, "I'm sure J really cared."

"He'd been calling your house and your cell all week to make sure you'd gotten wherever you were going safely. You haven't even checked the messages on your cell, have you? Nick, he called Aaron. Aaron's been trying to find you without alerting Jane. Luckily he enlisted Brian's help pretty early on and Brian told him where you were and to keep it quiet."

_Shit._ "I'll call people tomorrow. Promise." Aaron and Howie and AJ. Three persons was enough to constitute people.

Kevin probably understood the evasion, he knew Nick too well not to, but he let it go. "All right. What's a boy gotta do to get fed around these parts?"

Nick led Kevin to a far more messily decorated kitchen than the one he'd left.

*

Whirling Dervish of Doom or no, Baylee was still at an age where he needed naps every afternoon in order to function. On the days when they were lucky, Brian and Leighanne could manage to get him to settled on the couch before he keeled over. Most days, he was more likely to fall asleep standing up than admit he was tired.

Nick, still unable to sleep for the most part, was lying on the couch, watching sleepily as Baylee zoomed around the living room, pretending to be a bee. Or at least, that was what Nick had discerned from the loud buzzing noise that Baylee had kept up for the better part of ten minutes. Nick noticed that the buzzing was getting louder before he realized that Baylee was approaching. It stopped suddenly, Baylee's face looming on a level with Nick's.

"Uncle Nick," Baylee breathed.

"Hey guy."

"You sleeping?"

The corners of Nick's lips twitched. "Trying. You're a bit loud, my man."

Baylee was unconcerned. "It's not bedtime."

"But I'm tired," Nick argued.

"Why?" This was Baylee's new favorite question. It drove Leighanne bats.

Nick was wary. He didn't want to explain that he hadn't been sleeping, it seemed like just the thing to incite a new and exciting type of revolt the next time Baylee needed to be put to bed. "Because I miss…my friend. And it's making me sleepy."

Baylee frowned. "I'm your friend."

Nick tousled Baylee's hair. "Always, Bay."

Baylee took this as an invitation to crawl on top of Nick. Nick let out a series of small "oofs" as knees connected with his sternum, but didn't say anything. It took several minutes for Baylee to settle himself comfortably on top of Nick, energy still radiating off his skin.

"You gonna take a nap?" Nick inquired.

"Shh, it's sleepy time," Baylee told him, doing his almost three years-old interpretation of his mother.

Nick wrapped an arm securely over Baylee and fell asleep.

*

One of Nick's favorite things about Brian was how he could transform almost any time into a good time. Nick loved the other guys, but if it hadn't been for Brian he doubted he would have fond memories of the time he caught an upper respiratory infection in Switzerland, when Brian had smuggled good Swiss hot chocolate -- acquired from who-knows-where with who-knows-what funds -- to Nick and sang him to sleep. Or of the time when their bus broke down in swampland Louisiana in the dead of August and Brian had pulled out every road trip game in his repertoire…some of them completely made up on the spot.

Nick could tell he was trying now too. Kevin left a few days after he had shown up, reassured that Nick was still alive and conscious. The next day, Brian dragged Nick to the zoo with him and the kids so that Leighanne could have a day to shop and relax with her sister. Brian gave Jelly to Nick and set them free in the water animals section so that Nick could have someone to babble to on everything he knew about dolphins and sea otters. Someone who wouldn't interrupt. Jelly fell asleep, but not until he was talking about sting rays, so Nick took heart.

Brian got out the sno-cone maker that Leighanne had insisted no childhood was complete without and made a project of it, him and Nick doing their best to keep Baylee focused. They ended up with one sno-cone and several handfuls of ice slithering down their pants, but the sno-cone tasted good, so they all considered the afternoon a success.

The five of them had a classic kid's movie marathon with everything from a Shirley Temple flick to "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory." Jelly slept through most of it and Baylee spent a lot of time using the three adults as jungle gyms, but Leighanne giggled all the way through "Muppets Take Manhattan" and Brian sang along with every song in "Snow White", even "Someday My Prince Will Come". Nick, who still dreamed of Justin in the few hours that he could sleep, still woke up with something new to tell Justin every day, still defined everyone's hugs as not-as-good-as-J's, was having a good time.

*

The Boys had three weeks before the tour began to do the actual dirty work of rehearsing. The stage was already assembled, as was the set list, the costuming, the crew and every other behind-the-scene detail. Three weeks was what they had to make themselves look and sound good out on the stage together.

It had been a little over year since their previous tour, the tour they all fondly referred to as the Back In The Saddle Tour -- their first since Black and Blue had finally ended. Even if he couldn't summon up the excitement that he was used to feeling at the beginning of a tour experience, Nick was glad that he would have something to concentrate on. He wasn't glad to be leaving Leighanne and Jelly and Bay.

Brian was quiet the morning of their flight to Orlando, where they would be rehearsing. Only Howie actually lived there at the moment, but Kevin had issues about screwing with tradition. Brian walked around with a sleeping Jelly in his arms until Leighanne was pushing him out the door. Then he ran back to kiss Baylee goodbye.

Leighanne whispered in Nick's ear, "Please take care of him. He's no good when he's like this." She pulled Brian away from their son and kissed him herself, murmuring something that made his hands tighten around her arms. "Go now. Aje and Kev and D are waiting."

Nick stood at the door, waiting to see if this would work. It had worked on him, when Justin had told him almost the exact same thing. Brian had been waiting that time too.

Brian kissed her again. "Three weeks." Leighanne and the kids were coming for the opening show.

"Call me when you get there."

"Second I'm off the plane," Brian promised. Nick picked up Brian's bag and walked out the door, making an effort not to check behind him. Leighanne's brother-in-law was driving them, and he was waiting in the car, a look of agitation having settled over his features.

Nick reached the car and motioned for him to pop the trunk. He threw the bags into the opened trunk and climbed into the car. A few seconds later, Brian joined him. "Okay, we're good. Thanks again for the ride, Corey."

"Hey, not a problem."

Halfway to the airport, Brian shifted in toward Nick. "Stay in my room tonight?" They were lodging at the same hotel until the tour started.

Nick almost felt guilty at how easy it was to say, "Yes," how much it was the exact same thing he would have asked of Brian.

Brian exhaled and slumped into Nick. "This sucks."

Nick just followed the orders of his best friend's wife, and took care of the man using him as a head support.

*

AJ picked them up. It was something of a surprise, Nick had expected a car he didn't recognize with a driver he had never seen before. Instead, there was AJ, in Nuriko's perfectly practical, bright blue, seven year-old Toyota Camry.

Nuriko McLean, née Langely, was AJ's wife of over a year and the group's second most tightly guarded secret, right below the Justin Timberlake affair and right above Nick's cocaine fling. None of the three had ever been leaked and the group was more than content to keep things that way. Nuriko and AJ had met when Jelly was born, Nuriko having been Leighanne's postnatal R.N. AJ had fallen for her the minute they'd laid eyes on each other and had spent a year dating her, pretending it was casual before she had told him to put up or shut up. He'd put up.

Nick slid into the backseat, next to Brian, "Where's Nuri?"

"Get in the front seat, dickface, I'm not your chauffeur," AJ leaned over to open the passenger side door. "She's at home, she thought I might need some time with you guys."

Nick did as he was told, glancing at Brian apologetically from the front. Brian reached forward and gave AJ a noogie in retaliation. AJ swatted him away, "Driving, yo."

Brian relented and settled back into his chair, closing his eyes. Nick turned to look out the window, reacquainting himself with a place he had once thought of as home. AJ maneuvered them onto the highway. "Is it because of Nuri?"

The words came out of nowhere, startling Nick. They were obviously meant for him, as AJ was speaking in low tones, evidently aware that Brian was napping. "What do you mean?"

"Is that why you felt you couldn't call me?"

Nick hadn't even felt the actual blow of the question, but he felt the resulting bruise. He moved his gaze to where AJ was loosely gripping the wheel in one hand, doing his best to affect calm. "I didn't call anyone, Aje. I didn't even talk to Brian until I was standing on his doorstep with my ex's toothbrush and nothing fucking else to show for myself."

"And after that?" AJ demanded.

"I was hiding. And you're one to talk, Alexander James. It took us _days_ to find you after Sarah broke it off. You didn't even have the courtesy of coming to one of us so that the word would spread."

AJ ignored the allegation, "So I would think that you would know you could call me. That I would understand."

"I didn't need someone to understand, Aje. I needed someone to make me smile." Nick regretted the words, even in their absolute truth.

"And did he?"

"Yeah. He did."

AJ put his other hand on the wheel, and weaved through traffic determinedly for a bit. When Nick was about to follow Brian's lead and nod off, AJ announced, "I love you, Nicky."

AJ had been big on honesty ever since emerging from rehab, but it was still somewhat rare to hear a declaration of something that he took as a given. Nick recognized it for the conceit that it was. "I love you too, Aje."

"You want me to beat him up for you? I could hire assassins, or something cool. It'll have style, you'll see."

Nick giggled. "Nah, Kevin already arranged for his cars to be egged. It's all good."

"Made you laugh." AJ sounded proud of himself.

Nick giggled some more.

*

Nick, as much in his own best interests as Brian's, invited the other three to chill with them at the hotel for dinner. He and Brian had both reserved suites on an extended stay plan so that they could have kitchens and a living room area for just such occasions. Nick ordered enough pizza to solve a small third world country's hunger problem and played welcoming party to AJ and Nuriko, Howie and Valin, and Kevin and Kristen.

Valin was Howie's longtime boyfriend, longtime in the been-around-almost-as-long-as-Backstreet sense, who made Howie look straight. Despite the flamboyance, he was fiercely intelligent and knew how to stay out of the way of cameras. He was also absolutely, completely, one-hundred percent devoted to Howie. Kristen, still childless despite several attempts, had the freedom to travel with Kevin and did so more often than not.

They stayed until late, Valin catching them up on everything in his and Howie's life via the medium of charades; Nuriko encouraging Nick in her own way, "if you don't eat more, I'm gonna stick an IV where you most certainly will not appreciate it;" AJ trying to rouse Brian's dormant trouble maker; Kevin, Kristen and Howie chatting quietly about logistics and other things they weren't supposed to be worrying about. Howie and Valin bowed out the earliest, mumbling something about sleep, but in over ten years, Howie had never learned how not to blush when he and his lover were sneaking off for some leisurely shagging. AJ and Nuriko didn't take long to follow.

Kevin and Kristen helped clean up. Housekeeping would do it, but Kevin and Brian had been raised -- and had in turn raised Nick -- to be respectful to those whose job it was to clean up afterward, and not make their jobs any harder than they had to be. Eventually, though, Kevin walked toward the door, admonishing, "Sleep guys, tomorrow's gonna be…well, you know how it’s gonna be."

Kristen tugged Kevin out the door. Nick turned to Brian, "You called Leigh, right?"

"When we got here, and after dinner, to check how the kids were. Baylee slid down the stairs this afternoon, knocked the wind out of himself."

"Is he okay?"

Brian waved a hand, "Yeah, it happens pretty regularly. Actually, I'm kinda surprised you didn't get to see it while you were there. His feet move faster than his brain most of the time."

"I am never becoming a parent," Nick stated forcefully.

"That's a shame, you seemed pretty good at it."

Nick shook his head. "I would totally make my kids wear protective layers for the entirety of their living days."

"They'd stop listening to you at some point. Really, it would turn out okay," Brian reassured him. Then, as though it followed completely, "I really miss them."

Nick's mind flashed to Justin for all of a second before it could focus on Leighanne, Baylee and Jelly. "Yeah, me too."

Brian walked right up to and into Nick, hugging him for all he was worth. Nick held on, "Hey."

Brian just clung tighter, not saying a word. It was a while before Nick realized Brian had fallen asleep and that he was the only thing holding both of them up.

*

Nick, whose inherently perfect pitch had never once failed him, was flat. He could hear it, was the worst part, hear it, but no matter how much he thought to himself, "higher, just a bit higher," he was still unquestionably flat.

AJ looked like he wanted to say something, but one glance at the frustration that Nick knew had to be painting his face dissuaded him. Finally, when Nick's concentration was so wrecked that he sang the bridge at the start of the song, Kevin conceded defeat, "Let's break for a bit, 'kay?"

Howie hopped up from where he had collapsed onto the stage, body language screaming relief. Nick found the nearest wall and hit his head against it repeatedly until someone's hand intercepted its path. "I'm broken."

Brian, who had gone down for nine hours of sleep and was over the immediate post-leaving homesick phase scoffed, "You're not broken. You were for a bit, but you're not anymore. You just haven't realized it. You're like Bay. Your emotions run too fast for your brain."

It was amazing, Nick thought, how Brian could say shit like that and not make it sound like an insult to his intelligence. "It's only been a month and a half."

Brian leaned up against the wall and bit his lip. "It hasn't just been a month and a half, Nicky."

Nick rested his head against the wall, gently this time. "Been talking to Jace?"

"Joey, actually. He feels like a complete fuck and he's pissed at J for using him as an excuse."

"He didn't go for it, then?" Nick hoped that hurt J a little bit. Just a little. He didn't like feeling mean, but sometimes it was better than the alternatives.

"I don't think J even really tried. He mostly just wanted to be near one of them, convince himself that just because the group was over, _they_ weren't over, the five of them."

Nick took back his thoughts of the previous moment. He wouldn't wish that kind of hurt on anyone. Well, maybe someone. Not Justin, though. "He said I should leave him the first time. He said…he said he didn't want the things I wanted, and that I deserved those things."

Brian tilted his head. "What things?"

Nick looked away, so that Brian couldn't see the embarrassed heat invading his cheeks. "Stability kinda things. Family kinda things."

"J doesn't-"

"He does, just. Not now. And me, well, you know me, bad with waiting. But I told him I would, I told him-"

"You told him, but you started preparing for the day he packed you up and sent you out anyway," Brian stated.

"I know him pretty well," Nick whispered. "Knew. Knew him pretty well. I knew when he was serious about something."

"How long, Nicky?"

"Four months, maybe five. Definitely since he came home from the last tour. I told myself it was cabin fever."

Brian ran a hand through his hair. "You could've come to me then."

"I wasn't ready. I'm like him that way, blithely ignoring the apocalypse until I'm dancing with it."

"I'm glad you came to me."

Nick caught Brian at the corner of his peripheral vision. "You can't throw me out."

"I don’t know about that, but I won’t."

That was what Nick meant.

*

Nick hit memory one on his cell and let it ring. It was barely on the second ring when Justin picked up. "Nick."

"J."

It was a long time before Justin finally admitted, "I've been waiting for you to call, wanting to call and thinking I shouldn't and now we're talking and I haven't got a thing to say."

Nick wondered if that was supposed to be a metaphor for the last six months of their relationship. "I took your toothbrush."

"I know, it's okay, I got myself a new one. Joey offered, Kelly buys 'em when they go on sale and then keeps the extras for dental emergencies, or something, but I thought it was best if I went out and just picked one up for myself."

Nick flinched at the sound of resignation in Justin's voice. "You're gonna be all right, J. Without them, I mean."

"It's not fair, Nick. You can say that because you're never going to have to prove the truth of it to yourself."

"Backstreet _will_ end, J. Everything does."

"Maybe Backstreet, but not you and Brian."

Nick started to laugh, to spit something angry and mean, to question what that statement meant. He had never lied to Justin, though, and now didn’t seem the time to start. "I hope you know what you're talking about."

"'Course I do," Justin's voice was tired and Nick could see him waving an arm negligently. "I'm always right, remember?"

Nick did. It was one of Justin's more annoying habits. "I was gonna take your number out of my cell, but I think I'm gonna leave it."

"I miss you."

Nick understood the haste in the delivery of words. "I think I'm always going to love you. A little bit, where only we can see it."

"I'm sorry."

It was because of that, Nick knew, that he and Justin were never meant to last forever, no matter what he had wanted. There were some things Justin just didn't get. "Don't be."

*

There was always a moment in the course of rehearsals where Nick knew that a Tour was either going to come together, or that it wasn't. It usually wasn't a big moment, just something that made Nick's instincts perk up and say, "yup, all right," or, "oh, fucking shit."

They were doing one "nostalgia set" for the benefit of those fans who had been with them since the beginning. Kevin had lobbied for "10, 000 Promises" and AJ had held out for "Don't Want You Back" and Howie had been incredibly insistent over "What Makes You Different". Nick had asked for "Shining Star" but had been too depressed at the time that the set list was being put together to really pursue whether it had been added or not. Brian chimed in for "Drowning" which hadn't surprised anyone, as two albums later, it was still Leighanne's favorite, "despite," she always told them, "its unfortunate resemblance to a certain other band's song."

Nick was somewhat interested to find that everyone's requests had been respected. It made for an odd set, mixed in with a recently drafted medley of the hits from the previous album, their a capella medley rendition of "I Want It…" and the songs from the eponymous album, "More Than That" and "Shape of My Heart".

It was the set they had practiced the least since descending upon Florida, half because all of the new songs needed serious work and the two covers they were doing were presenting problems all of their own, and half because it took time to build up to _wanting_ to sing songs that they'd performed a bajillion times before.

Finally, though, Howie insisted they at least do a quick run through, late into the second week. The medleys sounded fine, even the one from the previous album that they hadn't rehearsed together but a few times. "10,000 Promises" was rocky, but with a few innovations on AJ and Kevin's part they worked out some new harmonies and got it polished up. "Shining Star" and "What Makes You Different" presented almost no problems and the only real issue with "Don’t Want You Back" was what to do during the song. It seemed odd just sitting there.

"Drowning" was solid enough for them to only run through it once, putting it on the list of things to worry about when they had time for the art of perfecting.

"Shape of My Heart" needed work, as they hadn't much sung it since the Black & Blue tour, the Back In The Saddle having been entirely new music. There had still been legal issues to be tied up at the time.

"More Than That" was a train wreck, cargo and passenger cars included. Brian couldn't seem to reach his notes, which was odd, because of all of them, Brian was the most consistently solid singer, even above Kevin, who only rarely had off days. Howie kept missing his entrance for no discernable reason, Kevin flubbed his lines and sang gibberish in almost every run through, AJ couldn't stop laughing at all of them and Nick couldn't figure out what key they were supposed to be singing in, as Brian kept changing it.

Finally, in between laughs, AJ threw up his hands. "I'm going home. We can figure this shit out tomorrow. We're probably just tired."

Brian ignored him and hummed a line of the chorus underneath his breath, just loudly enough for the other guys to hear it, but obviously only meant to help his focus. Howie started humming along with him, slightly louder, but in perfect harmony. AJ shrugged, managed to swallow his giggles, and joined. Kevin's bass "mmm" started up and blended in.

Words or no words, the chord was working, pulling together tight and firm and Nick's brain went, "yup, all right." He started humming.

*

Nick went with Brian to pick Leighanne and the kids up at the airport. Security advised against it, of course -- security advised letting a driver do it -- and both Brian and Nick blithely ignored the advice.

Luckily, all three adults were well-trained in the art of slipping through crowded places without attracting attention and even with Baylee's I've-been-on-a-plane-too-long antics, they made it to the car with only one or two curious glances cast their way.

Nick drove so that Brian could stay in the back, Jelly in a carseat on one side, Baylee strapped in as tightly as Leighanne could manage on the other. Baylee took to loudly informing Brian of everything he had missed in the last three weeks, filled in by quite a few details that Nick could only assume to be embellishments. Such as the dinosaur that had evidently come to stay in the Litrell house.

He was so busy trying not to let Baylee's excited ramblings distract him from the road that he almost didn't hear Leighanne when asked, "How're you?"

"Oh, uh. Good. Better. Ready to make ticket holders happy. You?"

"Glad to be here. It was a little lonely with only The Terror and She Who Does Not Yet Speak for company."

Nick winced slightly. "Do you…d'you ever hate us for that?"

"For the fact that my kids have yet to grow into being good company?"

Nick laughed uneasily. "For taking him away from you."

"If that were the only thing you did, maybe I would," the sentence was halting, cautious. "But you keep him alive, perpetuate the man I fell in love with and married and trusted to help raise my children."

Nick nodded and there was a mere seconds hesitation on her part before she asked, "Why are you asking?"

It took a bit, but Nick remembered Kevin telling him that the truth always came out in the end. Nick liked to pretend that everything Kevin told him was right. It was oddly comforting in a thoroughly annoying way. "He's been my best friend since he showed up from Kentucky and didn't treat me like a kid even though he was five years older and the others totally would've let'im. And somewhere in there you came and stole a part of his heart that I thought I would always have. It took me a really long time to be as generous as you're being."

"Oh." Leighanne swallowed. "Well, I mean, don’t get me wrong, you probably wouldn't have wanted to ask that question seven years ago."

Nick appreciated when people could admit they were human. "You're probably the coolest wife ever."

Leighanne looked over at him, an expression so complex that Nick couldn't grab on to even one emotion in it, let alone the whole gamut. "Not yet I'm not."

She turned to the window, pretending to watch the scenery. Nick let her.

*

As with all first shows, at least one thing a set went wrong. At least.

The five of them either ignored those things, or, when they couldn't be ignored, poked fun at them, and moved on. When they ran off the stage and onto the buses, AJ couldn't stop making sounds of victory at the top of his lungs, impeding the running process by picking each one of them up from behind for a hug.

Miraculously, they managed to reach the buses before they were pelted with fans and escaped just in time to beat traffic.

Nick took a quick shower and settled himself in front of the TV, flipping restlessly. He had never liked the idea of separate buses, even when it meant Justin could come visit him when and if he felt like it.

He thought about calling one of the others, but AJ would be having post-show sex with Nuriko, Kevin and Kristen were most likely otherwise indisposed, Valin would be "taking care" of Howie, and Leighanne and Brian were probably putting the kids to bed right before they did that for themselves.

Nick turned the TV off, annoyed by the background noise that he couldn't make relate to anything. He padded back to his bed and climbed in, laying on top of the covers. The sound of the wheels on the road filled the tiny bedroom and Nick let his brain concentrate on it, hoping it would lull him into a decent night's sleep.

He was still listening when his cell trilled from the side of the bed. He jumped at the unexpected interruption in his auditory surroundings. Plucking the cell from where it was, he pressed talk, "Yeah?"

"Hey," Brian whispered. "We thought you might want someone to talk to."

"Kids asleep?"

"Finally," Brian laughed. "Well, JeriLynn fell asleep during the show, you know her, but Baylee…it took for-ever."

"I'll just bet. You wear Leigh out?"

There was a pause and then a self-satisfied, "Well, I'm not hearing any complaints."

Nick ventured, "Can I come over for breakfast in the morning? I'll even take charge of feeding The Terror."

"He's offering to be the unpaid live-in, again," Brian informed Leighanne, who replied with something Nick couldn't hear. "Yeah, come on over. We'd invite you over now, but one of us would fall off the bed and it'd probably be you. That ain't no kind of hospitality, as my momma would say."

"Your momma would say no such thing. What's more, she'd smack you upside the head for using a double negative."

"Don't tell her?"

"I'll be the soul of discretion," Nick assured him. "I'm gonna sleep now, so that I can get up for breakfast."

"Sounds good. Me and my wife say goodnight."

"Me and Jaws say goodnight back." Jaws was Nick's stuffed shark. Nick claimed no originality in naming things. He pressed the end button and tossed the phone to the side, pulling a sheet over himself and falling nearly comatose the second he was in a comfortable position.

*

Leighanne and the kids were traveling four stops on the tour with them before they headed home. She had enrolled Baylee in a two week summer camp and it was due to start up. Nick doubted she'd told Brian, but in a less guarded moment she'd admitted, "I get kinda scared that if we stay with him, the kids'll develop road-blood. I mean, don't get me wrong, a few road trips never hurt anyone, but I just…there's something to be said for staying put, y'know?"

Nick didn't really, the longest he'd "stayed put" outside of his -- rather miserable -- preadolescent years at the Carter Homestead was with Justin, and even then it had been interrupted time and again by the demands of the job, on both of them. The road was his home, at least when it was taking him somewhere he wanted to go, preferably with people with whom he wanted to be. He'd just nodded, sure that Leighanne wanted the best for her kids.

The fourth stop was an overnight in Connecticut. Leigh was leaving out before soundcheck so that Brian could go to the airport with her and the kids. Nick joined them for breakfast that morning, as he had been doing the previous three mornings. He balanced Jelly carefully in his left arm and bottle fed her so that Leighanne could get some food while Brian tried to mop up Baylee.

When Brian had managed to get enough food off the kid for him to be identifiable, he swept Baylee up into his arms, "Hey Mr. Worm."

Sure enough, Baylee just kept squirming, grinning at the nickname, "I'm not a worm!!"

"I don't know, you look a lot like one," Brian did his best I-don't-believe-you look.

"Do not!"

Brian shifted his hold and suddenly Baylee was upside down, dangling from his feet, head nearly touching the floor, screeching in excitement, "Daddy!!"

"Now you look like a broom," Brian commented, swishing Baylee from one side to the other gently, pretending to sweep the floor with him.

Jelly, still sucking determinedly on her bottle, fixed her eyes on them, wide and curious. Nick tickled her tummy to see if she would respond. Nothing. "You keep watching," he said softly, "they're gonna be the most important men in your world."

Nick jumped at the touch on his arm, having completely forgotten Leighanne. She was eating cereal standing up behind him, watching the mayhem her husband was creating with the aid of their son. "Them and you," she added.

Nick grinned, but shook his head. "Eh, they're the daddy and the big brother. I'm the uncle. Different kind of important. I can spoil her."

Leighanne swept the hair on Nick's forehead back from his face. "We'll see about that."

Nick wasn't entirely sure to which "that" she was referring.

*

Nick climbed onto Brian's bus after the show that evening. There hadn't been an invitation, but it seemed cruel to leave him alone with Leighanne and the kids having just called at intermission to say they were safe and on the highway back to the house. At least, Leighanne had said that. Baylee had yelled about the plane and Jelly had slept through it all.

Brian smiled when he climbed aboard a second later to see he had company. "Hey, want s'mores?"

Brian was a genius of innovative bus cooking. Get him in a regular kitchen with a foundation and all the right equipment and toast was his absolute limit, but on a bus, he was magic. Nick nodded.

Brian rustled through one of the drawers in the kitchen and found a lighter. He quickly located the box of graham crackers, bag of large marshmallows and the Hershey's bar hidden at the back of the refrigerator. He handed Nick the chocolate, "You know what to do."

Nick broke the chocolate down into four square block pieces. Brian stabbed a marshmallow with a fork and set it afire with help from the lighter. When it had blackened satisfactorily, he reached for the graham crackers he had broken to the appropriate size and held them out to Nick, who deposited a piece of chocolate on top of one cracker so that Brian could sandwich the marshmallow between everything and pull it off the fork.

He handed Nick the product of his efforts. "Taste test."

Nick took a bite. The chocolate was just beginning to melt into the heat of the marshmallow, "Experts say…nine out of ten."

Brian sighed. "I know, I know, but if I leave the chocolate out, it melts when we're not on the bus."

"Perfectionist," Nick accused.

Brian set another marshmallow on fire and waved it threateningly. Nick was not frightened. He helped assemble a second s'more so that Brian could get in on the action. When Brian was busy chewing, Nick said, "I love your kids, Bri. I miss them already. Death-defying stunts and all."

Brian just nodded, taking another bite. Nick finished his treat and asked, "Mind if I use your shower? I'm kinda gross."

Brian gestured toward the bathroom, "Knock yourself out. Leave some hot water."

Nick did, and Brian stepped in almost immediately after him. Nick was lounging on the couch, watching late-night cartoons, when Brian came to join him. Nick was gearing up for Animaniacs when Brian straightened up and kissed him, his minty-fresh breath making Nick's brain whirl.

Nick managed to connect a full thought at some point and pulled away, "No, no, no, no." The thought had sounded a lot like that.

Brian, who didn't look terribly surprised by this reaction, asked, "Is it about J or Leigh?"

That brought Nick up short. He waited a few seconds, seeing if his ability to explain things would return to him. "Leigh. J…even J knows that I would have chosen you had you ever made the offer. That's part of, I mean," Nick gestured helplessly, giving up on his not-terribly-spectacular-to-begin-with oral abilities. "Even I know that."

Brian ran a hand through his hair. "See, I told Leigh she should talk to you, tell you what we had decided, but no, she said it had to come from me, that I was the one you trusted, blah blah blah. Women suck sometimes."

Nick didn't feel he had the right to comment on the last, so instead he tried to understand what Brian was actually telling him. "Leigh knew you were going to kiss me?"

"Yes. She also knew that I was going to try my damndest to get you in my bed and keep you there forever and ever amen."

It was as close to sacrilege as Nick had ever heard Brian come. "Oh. Okay, um, not that I'm trying to ruin my chances here, but…can I get a why here?"

"Why?" Brian looked confused. "Because before Leigh came into the picture, I always thought I was gonna wait until you were old enough that I wouldn't go to hell for suggesting the idea. If she hadn't, I would have. In some ways, I still did. And I have the most amazingly understanding wife in the world, who for some unknown reason, actually kinda likes you."

Nick blinked. "You were in love with me."

"I am in love with you," Brian corrected.

"We're in love with each other then?" Nick screwed up his eyes, sure that someone was getting something wrong here. A gay fairy tale involving a wife and two kids sounded like a farce to him. Nick tried remembering bus school. He was pretty sure farces always had trick endings.

Brian kissed Nick again, just enough to answer without words. "There something wrong with that?"

"Just that, I don't-"

Brian employed his kiss-as-a-shutting-up-technique kiss. "You can love me too much until the day I die and I'm never gonna pack a bag for you. I may not even let you leave if you're the one packing."

"Not even for a week?"

Brian considered this. "Maybe a week. Anything longer, you're taking me with you."

Nick told him a secret that Nick had never told anyone. "I know."

Brian kissed him again. It was his kiss of pure-unadulterated-this-isn't-stopping-until-you're-under-me-and-panting seduction.


End file.
